DIARY OF A ONE BAD GIRL

I met this guy when I was 13 or 14 years old.  We have this new neighbor next door and N.R. always visits them because they were good family friends.  One day, we were finally introduced to each other.  He was 3 years older than me as I remember.  One time, we had this chance to talk alone just infront of our house.  It was just a casual conversation.  About school, family, and life in general.  That was the first and last one on one conversation I had with him because a few months later, we transferred to another place.  Years have passed and I don't know what happened to him.  Then one Saturday night, I was watching this concert in a popular local bar.  I decided to go outside and meet some friends.  He happened to be there also and he saw me passed by.  He shouted my name to the point wherein I was startled.  I just looked around and wave.  He was with a girl and some friends.  A few months later, I was able to track him on friendster and add him up.  We exchanged numbers and continue our communication.  When we finally meet again, he confessed that he tried to locate me when we transferred house.  I told him that he should have asked his younger sister because we were going to the same college.  Anyways, what I find really sweet was when he told me that everything would have been different if he was able to locate me.  He would really court me and maybe we will end up together.  I told him that maybe he was not exerting too much effort in finding me that is why he never found me.  I am already married and I can sense that he was dissapointed upon hearing it.  But I was kinda unhappy with my marriage that time because of the long distance factor.  I know that he was hoping I will leave my hubby.  He even suggested that he knows a good lawyer for annulment and can process it in less than 6 months.  But I only entertained him as a friend.  I was lonely and I just need someone to talk to.  Nothing more, nothing less.  A few months later, he got married and got separated 6 months after.  I am trying to avoid him now.  I am happy and I know that he is also happy for me.

He was a new student from another city.  He transferred with his sister and brother in our high school.  He immediately became a campus crush because he is really good looking and I am one of his admirer.  One thing I cannot forget about him is that during our school festivities, one guy hand cuffed us together and the condition was we have to walk the school corridors before they will release us and pay a certain amount.  If he will not pay, the hand cuffs will stay.  We don't know each other that time so I was really embarrassed with our situation.  We walked the school corridors without looking at each other and without saying a word.  I don't know if he was annoyed or shy because he was really looking the other way.  So when the guy who hand cuffed us returned, I think LOU payed P5.00 or P10.00 to be released and we parted ways.  After that incident, whenever I see him going in my direction, I will avoid him.  But I still like him.  I was just so embarrassed with what happened.  The next thing I know, he was courting this very pretty girl in our campus.  It was like an on and off courtship.  I was really hoping he would court me because he looks at me differently.  Or am I just imagining it.  I befriended his sister and have her signed my slum book so she will put their home phone number in it.  After getting hold of it, I tried to call once and pretended to be a mysterious caller.  How pathetic.  But I did not do it again. 

After how many months, he was already getting steady with the pretty girl in campus.  Ironically, he has a friend that was interested in me.  One Valentine's day, he gave me a card inside the canteen and her girlfriend saw it.  But it was not really from him.  It was from his friend and he was just asked to give it to me.  A friend of her gf told me that she was pissed off because of what she saw.  How come I got a card and she didn't when in fact is she the girlfriend.  I told her friend the truth and the issue was cleared.

He was 2 years ahead of me and when he graduated, I seldom saw him.  And there was never a chance for me to talk to him.  He was really like an unreachable star.  But luck was on my side.  After how many years, we saw each other again.  We are attending the same network marketing seminar.  He smiled and I smiled back.  We were only a few feet away so I walked up to him and started a conversation.  I was in heaven!  We talked about our school but we never talked about that hand cuffed incident.  It was embarrassing.  After that talk, it seems that my crush on him faded away.  I'm really like that.  If I like someone and finally get to know them, the feelings will eventually fade away.   

One more thing, his younger brother and my younger brother are good friends.  One night, his brother got really drunk and was a mess.  His brother was brought to our house and I took care of him.  It feels like I'm taking care of LOU.  His brother was even rumored courting my younger sister.  What a small world. 

This guy was a bakasyonista from Quezon City.  He was a hip hop guy.  He wears baggy pants and knows how to rap.  It was summer time when he visited my city.  He dropped by at our hang out place one time with some friends and they introduced us.  I'm friendly so I talk to him and we had a civil conversation.  After that, he would then walk up to me and talk whenever we see each other.  The next thing I know, he was flirting with this "bad reputation girl" and after two days, they are already steady.  How cheap!  But there relationship last only for days.  Before he went back to Quezon City, he left me his address and phone number and ask me to write him.  And so I did.  On one of his letters, he included a photo of him with a dedication at the back.  I think it says something like "I miss you" and "take care".  I also called him twice just to say hi and talk about stuffs.  I was using a payphone at school because I can't make a long distance call at our house.  I think I was 13 years old then.  So many things happened to me during that stage in my life.  Anyways, let's get back to J.S.  I stop calling and stop writing.  I mean, what's the point?  He is not my boyfriend and I'm sure he understands.  No prepaid cellphones then so we cannot text each other.  I just moved on with my life.  Actually, I was just writing to him because I don't want him to be upset with me.  But I get tired of playing the good girl and decided to end our communication.

Another "J" in my life.  He is not my boyfriend and never was.  But people think otherwise because we were always together.  The truth is, he was my best guy buddy.  We always hang out every weekends because we love each other's company.  He is good looking, long hair, and he is shorter than me.  Our relationship was platonic.  There are times that the girls he is courting will get jealous of me because we were always together.  I tried to avoid him but we will end up with each other's company at the end of the day.  What can I do?  We hang out with the same crowd.  Someone told me that other guys who are interested in me will back off because of seeing me and "J".  They think we were really an item.  But there was one time that he acted crazy.  He called me up because he was upset.  He had just broken up with his girlfriend.  After how many minutes of talking, he started saying things like "i love you" and "can I court you?".  But I did not take him seriously.  I know he was only bluffing.

What I like about him is that even though he is popular with the girls and the gays, he is loyal to his girlfriend.  But most of his relationship failed.  I don't know why.  I was 13 then and do not have much idea about that thing.  As time goes by and I started to meet new friends, we no longer hang out with the same crowd.  But I know that our friendship will forever be treasured.